Mitch would have been 35 years old tomorrow, wow. The last birthday we celebrated with him was his 32nd… and what did we do? A moment of panic because I can’t remember… I can’t remember what we did on the last birthday we spent with him. How can that be? When you don’t think there’s any reason for remembering, because you think you have all the birthdays in the world to celebrate, well, then it’s easier to forget I suppose. I can definitely tell you what we did on the last few birthdays… Very low-key, me and the girls, first year we ate cake, second year, we did not. And tomorrow, what is the plan? Well, I’m not quite sure actually. I’m learning to take these kinds of days as they come, go with how I feel. And actually, we weren’t even “supposed” to be in town tomorrow. Me and the girls were supposed to be in Nevada with his mom visiting with his family. And then the girls got the stomach flu, and so as the mom, I made the executive decision to cancel the trip… Which I must say was accompanied by some guilt at letting others down, but in the present moment, it was the only decision that felt right. And I’m learning to listen and heed my intuition. I usually regret it when I don’t. And so what to do tomorrow? Well, it is Easter, so Easter spiritual service at the Self-Realization Fellowship, Easter egg hunt and Easter baskets, and then, well, I’m finding on these kinds of days, anniversaries, birthdays, I like to lay very low, hermit-style. Reflection, contemplation, music, nature, loving my girls, honoring Mitch, and being so grateful for life. Perhaps a little cake, a little beach play with the chicas and writing daddy birthday wishes and love letters in the sand and a little solo beach walk. That’s it. Actually that sounds perfect. Birthday wishes and love letters in the sand, me and the girls. An offering. A sacred ritual of celebrating and loving, and also letting go as our messages are washed away by the ocean during high tide. And honoring the feelings that arise, not trying to make it any other way than what it is, and really being okay with that, and having compassion for myself, and tons of love for my girls, and sending Mitch so much love, so much love. Happy Birthday to my angel in heaven!
