Twice while I was napping with Ava this afternoon, I was awoken with the words Mitch shared with my friend in her dream last night; “I'm here, I've been here, I'm making it happen.” As I awoke each time from my nap, I felt these words were answering questions to my underlying concerns about our finances. When it comes to any concern we may be having, all we can really do is “make it happen” as best we can on our end of things, and leave the rest up to what some might call fate, the divine, or the angels orchestrating things in the wings. I know there are many skeptics who might read my words and scoff, and say we make our own destiny, and that invisible angels guiding us along is like something out of a child's fairy tale... But in my heart, I know there are mysteries, miracles, and divinities guiding us along, that come from both within ourselves and from outside of ourselves. And to the skeptics, I can just smile and say, well, we will all see for ourselves someday, won't we? And for now, we can simply live and let live.
Celebrating our love
Five years ago today marks the day when Mitch and I said “I do.” We would have also been celebrating nearly ten years of being together. He used to say that we had been together for multiple lifetimes, each life, finding each other once again, loving and fighting, loving and fighting, loving and fighting. I am grateful for this lifetime we've spent together, as I can't remember the others, and we certainly did live a lifetime together, although it still doesn't quite feel like long enough... I miss him like crazy, and am blessed to have wonderful friends and family in my life that make this time without him a little less painful. So, as I sit and look out into the miles and miles of rainforest stretched out before me, I am reminded that a whole new lifetime awaits me, filled with mystery, beauty, and love. I send prayers of thanks to Mitch for the love we've shared together, and know in my heart he is here with me now softening the ache in my heart. I love you Mitch always and forever!
Walk in faith
As the due date for baby Amelie approaches, I am finding that there is still a big part of me that is like, holy shit, I am having Mitch's baby in a matter of days or weeks, and he is not here and will not be here to start this new journey with me, with us. I know he is here spiritually, I know this, but at the same time, he is not here physically at a time where I feel like I really need him. So, now is when I need to have a lot of faith in myself, and trust in all that is good to guide and support me as I enter into this new phase of my life. Two little ones, two little ones all my own, all on my own. Sometimes it's easy to slip into a mentality where I feel like a victim, a victim of fate, I know it's easy for all of us to do when things in our lives feel like they've gone terribly “wrong.” But we all know where that gets us, not too far... I've been taking special measures to thoroughly enjoy and love Ava up before my attention is redirected to two babies... We've been going on special “dates” together, getting in extra snuggles during nap time, and in general I've been more mindful of really loving on her and noticing what a special time this is in our lives. I hear Mitch through the playlists on his i-phone, I see him in the birds that congregate around our house, I feel him in the peace in my heart when I trust in life, and of course I have a lifetime of memories and Mitch-isms that help guide me when I feel a little lost. To share a few Mitch-isms; make it happen, figure it out!, get it together!, it's all coming together... He was full of faith, and always “made it happen,” so I know I can too... :) Sometimes it's the little reminders of faith that can lift up our spirits and reassure us that we have the strength and fortitude to go on. So, in the spirit of Mitch, I encourage us all to “make it happen,” and be reassured that it will all come together in a beautiful way.
Part 2: Simple techniques for creating a meditation practice of your own
So, how can you go about creating a meditation practice of your own? First, find a time of the day when you can be distraction-free, perhaps that is early in the morning before the family is awake, or in the evening (my personal choice) when all are asleep. Once you choose your time, “unplug” from the world, even if you choose to meditate for just five minutes, create a calming space in which to practice. Create a space that is as distraction-free and clutter-free as possible, and as calming as possible, dim-lighting or natural lighting, incense (if you like), and sacred objects (Jesus, Buddha, vase of flowers, photos of passed loved ones, crystals, and again, only if that feels “right” for you). Next, sit upright, back straight, cross-legged, palms facing up gently resting on the thighs, or you can choose to lay down (only if you won't fall asleep), or sit on a chair, with feet on the ground, back straight, palms facing up gently resting on the thighs. Gently close your eyes and breathe, deep, cleansing breaths, could be in through the nose, out through the nose, or in through the nose, out through the mouth, whatever feels right for you. A few techniques you can try to help you step outside the stream of thoughts and feelings that will distract you from simply sitting in your space are as follows:
~Simply focusing on each in-breath and each out-breath, and when your mind becomes distracted by a thought or feeling, imagine it floating on by, in the sky that is your mind, and gently bring your focus of awareness back to your breath.
~Silently or not so silently repeat a mantra, which can be a phrase or word that brings you a sense of peace and interconnectedness, for example: let go, simply trust, faith, love, peace, let go let God, om, grace, etc. the choices are endless, but choose something that is short and sweet and that brings you a feeling or sensation of calm, peace, or love.
~Pray, talk to God, offer gratitude, prayers for others, prayers for yourself.
~Visualizations: visualize thoughts and feelings as passing weather in the expansive and open sky that is your mind. Be at peace with the clouds, the rainbows, the storms, the tornadoes... Simply observe them passing by... Or put your attention on your heart center and visualize your heart opening like a flower, expanding with love and light. The love and light permeates each cell of your body, expands to loved ones, to the world...
~Body scan: start with the tips of your toes, feeling into whatever sensations or tensions you experience, noticing, sending your breath into those spaces to get the energy moving, consciously relaxing or simply bringing awareness to each part of your body as you move from your toes to the crown of your head.
~Sit in the company of a plant, the ocean, a stream, a tree, or even a rock, observe with your eyes, your touch, your smell, offer gratitude and admiration, contemplate its existence, and then simply sit with it, with awareness. You will be surprised at the wisdom you will receive from this simple interaction.
~Try keeping a journal to jot down thoughts, feelings, images, or sensations you experienced during your meditation practice to help you cultivate the "witness" mind to your experience, in order to help you bring more awareness into your experience throughout your day.
As you become more comfortable dropping into your meditative space (peace, awareness, intuition), and it will take time and practice, you will find that you are able to “meditate” throughout your day while engaging in the normal day-to-day activities. And meditation can be found in any activity in which you “lose yourself” in the joy of what is your doing, ie., art, dancing, swimming, singing, yoga, surfing, knitting, cooking, walking...Your life has the potential to become one continuous and rich spiritual practice!
Part 1: Why Meditate?
There's a lot of hype around meditation these days... So, what's it all about? What's the point? In short the point of meditation is to find your sense of inner-peace, inner-calm, inner-quiet, inner-guidance, your sense of awareness so that you are not taken on the whirlwind of thoughts that you have a mile per minute, and so that you can find your “I”ness amidst all the “noise” around you, ie. the voices of others, demands, and distractions of everyone else and everything else. Meditation helps us step inside our inner-observer of all of the thoughts, feelings, and “life,” so that we can respond to life rather than react, so that we can feel peace rather than stress, feel connected to the greater meaning of life beyond the demands of everyday life that can seem all-consuming. Meditation can help us to feel more present, more mindful in our everyday lives. We create a little bit of time to meditate, and suddenly we feel as if we have more time in the day because our “time” is not being hijacked by every thought, feeling, distraction, or demand that presents itself to us, we can really “be here now.” People meditate for many reasons, many that I have already mentioned, but to mention a few more, people meditate to feel more connected to God, to loved ones that have passed, to create awareness around thoughts, feelings, and “self-talk,” or to quite simply enjoy a greater sense of well-being and joy.Part 2 to come: Simple techniques for starting a meditation practice of your own...
More life after life: Spiritual and physical worlds interconnected
I have been practicing meditation for the past four years, but began practicing with a clear, strong intention six months ago, which was to connect with my deceased husband. I realized that this was a possibility when days after my husband's passing, he communicated to my brother and to his mother. I began practicing with a fervor within the structure of a group through the Self Realization Fellowship. I somehow felt safer opening myself to connecting with my husband within a group setting, as I had never attempted to or had ever experienced any type of communication or connection with someone who had passed away, and while I was desperate for it, I was also a little afraid (I'd been exposed to all of the scary “ghost” stories most of us have been exposed to). Within months of intensive two hour meditations, and many subtle and sometimes obvious signs that Mitch was sending me, I heard his voice calling my name during one of my meditations, and then he began communicating to me through my own thoughts, which I have come to understand now as 'channeling.' I was ecstatic to have my questions answered and to feel so close to him. And so for the past several months I have been learning that he will not always communicate to me in such obvious ways, and that when I ask, sometimes consciously or unconsciously, he will always show me that his presence is with me in one way or another, just as he will show anyone who is close to him who asks. I find that when I clear my mind of my own thoughts and tap into the quiet space of my soul through meditation, I can fully open to feeling inner-peace and pure well-being, and am more open to feeling connected to his spirit through felt sensations, thoughts, or feelings. Through my explorations, I am beginning to understand that the physical and spiritual worlds are much more connected than I ever could have imagined. A great quote I heard from the collective consciousness called Abraham speaks to this, “there is not death, just more life after life.”
Mystery and divinity in even the most ordinary
I just finished visiting with a friend, and I shared with her how I had spent time yesterday afternoon in meditation while Ava was asleep with the intention of connecting with Mitch. I received confirmation of his presence through chills up and down my body when my concentration was focused on feeling him, and when I felt open to receiving a sign of his presence. She remarked how perhaps he was communicating to me in all kinds of ways that required less effort, and that I only needed to open my eyes to see... That perhaps he was communicating to me through other people, through music, through my own thoughts, through nature, and that I only needed to open my eyes and my heart to feel him in my everyday life during the times when I was not immersed in deep meditation. She even remarked that perhaps he had wanted me to hear the words that she had just shared with me. I couldn't have agreed more. Another lesson in the grieving process of letting go, letting go of my expectation of what communication and connection with someone who has passed away looks like, and being open to the mystery and the divinity that lies in even the most ordinary...
Very human feelings after a loved one passes on...
After a friend shared that she felt Mitch's presence last week and that it filled her with peace, faith, and strength, I became aware of feelings of jealousy that surfaced within myself... For a few moments, I simply allowed myself to “react” with these feelings. I decided to take a step back and revisit them and the core of what was truly bothering me about what she had shared later on that day, after Ava went down for her nap. After Ava went down for her nap, I began to “write it out.” I realized the jealousy came from my small scope of understanding about what happens to our souls after we pass on. After he passed, while my brother was in a meditative state, he told my brother that he would not leave mine, Ava, nor the baby's side. My fear that perhaps he wasn't with us spiritually surfaced when my friend shared her experience, because I don't always feel as connected with him spiritually as I would like. When I am not aware of signs or communication from him, I just have to trust and have faith in his presence. And then beyond that faith and trust, I have to realize that perhaps he can be in multiple places at once, or perhaps part of his spirit lives within each of us that he has touched. Part of me wanted to hold on to him as “mine,” even though in his physical form, he was never really “mine” to have. It's a difficult lesson to be able to love someone while also letting them be as free as they are born to be. And when you lose someone, they are experiencing the ultimate freedom as we know it, and those who love them are left to learn how to let go, sometimes over and over again as we go through the inevitable grieving process that happens in its own time.
Surrendering to the waves of feeling
Just when I think I've got a “handle” on this grieving process, ie., I am relating to Mitch as a spirit now, as an angel, I'm moving through my life, this wave of sadness or anger just hits me to my core, and knocks me off my feet. If I try to avoid the anger because I'm afraid it's too big, afraid that it will consume me and swallow me whole- it waits, it doesn't go away, it festers, shows itself in my impatience, in a clenched jaw, restless sleep, or tension in my hips until I surrender to it... It was triggered the other day while I was looking at a picture of the two of us together, and it was something about the happiness in our faces, the way he was holding me, the way I was holding him back, that just triggered this wave... And all the peace and acceptance just went right out the door... And I called a trusted advisee, and she just advised that there was simply no way around it, and that the anger, healthy or not, was what it was, that it needed to find expression. I stopped fighting it, bawled my eyes out, and fell into a very deep sleep, woke up today and felt wiped out from it. And then today, I remembered a song, “so close to you,” by Calvin Harris, a song that used to come on the radio all the time when we were living in Northern California building our cabin, and more sadness... Sometimes it feels like a river that won't stop running, but then eventually it calms, and there is peace. Grieving the loss of a lover is just this process of constant surrender, not becoming too attached to any particular feeling state, because it is always in flux, letting the waves wash over me, remembering I will feel peace in my heart again.
Our life as a choice
Today I realized that how how I see the world, how I see my place in it, how I see my husband's passing, is a choice. I must choose everyday how I see. For example, today I was watching videos of Mitch and our family with my daughter, and I found myself getting angry, like, how could my life have turned out like this? How could my husband's story be over already? It seems our life as a family with another baby on the way was just barely beginning... And after being with someone for nearly ten years, you just don't expect them to suddenly pass away. So, as I'm watching the videos, I realize I'm clenching my jaw, fighting back tears, and kind of going, what the fuck? How is it that I am not going to be able to see him again as I have known him all these years... Ava says she wants to see daddy, I say I do too. But, I realized that getting angry, bitter, resentful, while it may be a part of the grieving process, also feels somewhat like a step backward. I realize that I must consciously choose how I see now. I look at the picture I framed of him yesterday, and he looks like an angel, with the lighting, the love and peace in his eyes... And because he's looking right into the lens, it feels like he is looking back at me when I look at the picture. This picture reminds me of how I can see him now, as an angel, as a spirit guide that I can connect with, that I can draw strength and peace from. I must keep looking forward with love and acceptance in my heart. This is the choice that I make. We all choose each moment whether we are aware of our choice or not, how do you choose to see?
Creating reminders of Spirit within our homes
We can create sacred space within our own homes to remind us of Spirit, peace, compassion, love, our connection to divine guidance, and our inner-light... You can use objects, pictures, or symbols that have special significance for you, that remind you of your spiritual connection to the divine.
I create reminders of my guiding light in each room of my house. On my kitchen table sits my favorite photo of Mitch where he looks like an angel, the lighting is just right, and he is looking into the lens with eyes of compassion, peace, and pure love... and beside that photo is a small vase of flowers, a small statue of buddha, and a small picture of Paramahamsa Yogananda, a spiritual teacher.
In each bathroom, hanging from the top of each mirror are inspirational charms that read, “walk in faith,” and “free as a bird.” I pulled these out of a fish bowl of charms in a boutique outside of the funeral home where I saw Mitch for the last time, and they remind me of the divine guidance that is available to me at all times, and of what is truly important.
In my bedroom, I have an altar set up where I have crystals, a deck of tarot cards, angel cards, and words of wisdom from the Sufi poet Rumi, a small statue of Buddha, a small bundle of sage, a wood caving of two lovers, candles, and a necklace given to me from my mom.
In my car, around the rearview mirror hangs a cross with a picture of Jesus that was given to me when I bought the car.
And, in Ava's bedroom, magical glittery butterflies hang alongside the window pain, a small dvd player with a CD of nature sounds to lull her to sleep sits on a shelf along with a family photo, a book about angels sits beside her bed, and an inspirational art piece hangs on the wall.
Our work and God's work
I awoke this morning to a reoccurring dream. In my dream, Mitch has left me, broken up with me, and I am trying so hard to get him to take me back, to get him to love me again. I was reminded of a bit of advice I was given yesterday in response to my saying I should meditate “better,” longer, and with more concentration in order to connect with Mitch in a more profound way. The advice was that it sounded as if I was trying too hard, that I was trying too hard to do God's work, and that I should allow myself to simply concentrate on my work. What is my work right now? I sat on the beach this morning, my place of solace. I brought my journal, my i-pod, and presence to the feelings that were destined to come after waking from my dream this morning. My dream left me wondering where my place was in the world, and sitting on the beach, I realized that I wasn't quite sure. If I tried really hard to figure it out, I felt overwhelmed and anxious, because at this moment, I couldn't see far enough ahead to know where my future would lead me. But when I let go of trying to see into the future to know where it was I was meant to be, I knew in the moment of where I should be. I knew that place was right here, right where I was. I let go of trying so hard to figure out the rest... That was not my work at the moment, that was God's work. My work at the moment was laid out for me, I was here, raising my daughter, planning the birth of my daughter to come, and helping others on their journey, that was my work.
Following our intuitive guidance, one step at a time
Days after my husband's passing, while I was in a hotel room in Yreka, the adjacent town to Hornbrook, the location of our cabin and his passing, I received what you might call inner-guidance, my higher call, intuition, or divine intervention. It was was then and there that I knew I needed to move back to Costa Rica with my daughter (Costa Rica was a place that Mitch and I lived together for nearly 3 years, 3 years prior to the present). This intuition was accompanied by feelings of joy, lightness, peace, creativity, and a feeling of “rightness” in my gut. From that point forward, I began making preparations for our move, and it became a sort of guiding light in the darkness. But, I should say that I was not particularly used to making decisions from such an intuitive place, and throughout the ensuing months, little doubts crept in here and there, begging me to seek further guidance by way of meditation, prayer, journaling, and seeking the counsel of supportive friends and family. And today I was reminded of making decisions from that intuitive place within ourselves when choosing a place to give birth to my daughter who is due in 10 weeks. I have chosen a birthing farm in the mountainous rain forest (a safe distance from a hospital in case of an emergency) where midwives will be in attendance to my birth, where I can create a sacred space for the entry of the little one into the world; a place where my daughter can be present, or at least asleep in the next room of the little house that will be the place that welcomes the little one into the world. This decision was accompanied by feelings of peace, joy, and a sense of inner-knowing as well. If we spend a little more time in that quiet space within ourselves and follow our sense of peace, joy, and “knowing,” then we can be more confident in our decisions, and more sure of the path we are walking, one step at a time.
Birthdays; a cause for celebration
On the eve of my 31st Birthday, Birthdays have taken on a much different meaning for me...Birthdays used to be the cause of angst each year as I got older, what am I going to do to make it special? Who will I spend it with? And heaps of pressure about how to make it “perfect,” and a measure of how much I was loved by others...And I hear plenty of friends dreading the coming of their Birthdays for a variety of reasons, fear of getting older and closer to dying, a reminder of dreams lost or forgotten, a reminder of the decline of their youthful appearance, or a general sadness or nostalgia of times past... On the eve of this particular Birthday, my first Birthday without Mitch, I decide to honor the sacredness of life, and celebrate the completion of another year past, and celebrate the start of a new year, pregnant (literally) with possibilities :) A day of a spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical cleansing, welcoming the renewal of another year to create a loving, meaningful, and joyous existence. I welcome life with open arms on my 31st Birthday!
Gentle reminders of Spirit
I find myself in a quiet space today, a space of surrender and letting go. I ask to see Mitch in everything today, a recommendation from my sister-in-law last night, and I refocus my energies on my supreme connection to God, where God and Mitch are my focus upon which everything else rains, my umbrella- I trust in this divine shelter. I take notice today of the light in people's eyes, people who really see, in those eyes I see God, I see love. I cry after encounters with two older men who look at me with that light and a gentle smile, and I am reminded of Mitch in those eyes, full of light and a gentle pervasive love. My beach meditation yesterday reminds me to ride the waves with patience, without resistance, with perfect timing, the ocean has shown itself as my teacher. I sit on the rocks on the beach waiting for my car's oil to be changed and notice a tiny bright green sprout shooting up amidst its rocky neighbors, the only one, a little reminder of fresh life that can grow in even the harshest of conditions. Here I am in this place that called me back, an undeniable invitation beckoning me, and here it is where I heal, where I grow, where I plant my roots with my darling daughter and daughter-to-be. A tarot card reading from the other night that read, let your emotions flow freely, or you will be chained to the ever-changing highs and lows of the tides, reminds me to let go of control and let both my sadness and joy come at will, and I let both pass through me, cleansing my heart and renewing my soul. And once again faith comes in to reign supreme and guide my journey.
Fulfilling our children's need for love when a parent is absent
This morning as a slideshow of our family photos and past memories played as my computer screen saver, Ava said, “I want to see daddy's friends today.” I watch as she lights up and is drawn to younger men, men similar to Mitch in one way or another, some that share similar physical attributes and some that share his young, free-spirited nature. I see clearly that we are both grieving his absence in varying ways. I too find that when I see people in love, I long for him, or when I see a man that looks similar to him, I long for Mitch. I too am drawn to that masculine energy, that Ava at two years old is drawn to. And this is when there is a choice to fear not falling in love again, not finding a loving dad for my daughters, or to have faith and to trust that the perfect man will come and join our family at the right time. We all long to be loved, to have a companion to journey with in this life, but it is during the times we find ourselves without that we must look within to love ourselves more wholly, to allow our sadness, our pains, and our fears to refine us into more loving fulfilled human beings. It is then that we open to receiving more love that can come in its many forms. I cannot ease Ava's pain of loss for her dad, but for now I can make sure our home is filled to the brim with love and expose her to positive and trusting male energy as a positive reminder of her dad in some way. I can also help her connect to his spirit through daily prayers and conversations with him, and pray for his guidance in how I parent her. And perhaps as I become more whole and healed, and find more peace and fulfillment, that this too will ease some of the longing that Ava feels. And this is one of the challenges for anyone raising a child without a partner, finding ways to fulfill our children's need for love in ways that are nurturing to the soul. And in this process we too will learn to love ourselves in ways that nurture our souls.
A glimpse into grief
The pain of loss twists and turns, swallows me whole sometimes, and I emerge soaking wet, gasping for air, sitting on the very edge catching my breath looking in at where I've been. And so for days after I slowly come back to life, moving more slowly, feeling the need for more solitude, withdrawing from expending my energy out into the world, as all the energy I have and create nourishes me, the baby growing inside me, and my daughter. And its in these days that when the demands of other relationships rap at my door, I learn to politely say that I am not home. And so during this process of grieving my husband, nourishing new life, raising my 2 ½ year old daughter, setting up new residence in a foreign country that was truly home to my husband and I, and launching my career, I just have to stop and breathe to take note of where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going. And so it is a process of gradual integration after the shock of reality fades, of a pain so deep that slow is the only way to go to not break into a million pieces. And for now, I let the earth dry my tears and I drink in the life breath that nourishes me. And I emerge a little more whole and a little more healed.
Live a life that you can feel at home in
I am at the tail end of my long journey through graduate school, I’m in my fourth year. That is what happens when you have nearly enough credits for two Master’s programs (Transpersonal Psychology and Counseling Psychology), and you have a baby in the middle. My husband and I are living an unconventional life with our dreams and passions leading the way, of which I receive considerable criticism for doing. My reaction to the criticism and doubt is what I work on now. I am coming to grips with the reality that what ultimately matters most is how I think and feel about my life, and that I must let go of the frustration I feel from not meeting the expectations that others have for me and the anger I feel for not being truly seen and heard; and that I must let go of the fight, because as long as I fight, I lose. Who am I fighting against really? Myself in the end, because as long as I allow the opinions of others to rule my life and cause me distress, I will never reach my full potential as a human being and will hinder those I choose to journey with as well. So now I find myself stepping into my own shoes with my head held high with an embodied knowing that I am living my life as authentically as I can, how else can any of us truly live a life worth living? A quote I picked up along the way that has stayed with me is
“the reward for conformity is that everyone liked you except yourself.”
So, be yourself, love yourself, and live a life that you can feel at home in. Oh, and it doesn’t hurt to treat others the way you yourself would like to be treated...
Feel for ourselves to feel for another
Empathy is walking in someone else's shoes, it is letting go of the colors of our own judgements, if for only an instant, so that we may feel what someone else is feeling. Step into their world and carry some of their burden, and share in some of their joy in order to truly understand. Only when we truly understand with our hearts, do our judgements, criticisms, fears, and expectations fall away a bit. When we disentangle ourselves from each other to hear our own call, we allow each of us to be free to live our own lives. Let each one of us realize our own true nature and see the history of our own walk written on the soles of our feet and on the soles of our ancestors feet. Feel for ourselves. Then, and only then, will we be able to truly feel for another.
Tasting the fruits of Orange County, California: coming into contact and connection with the natural world in a place I least expected.
It began with a feeling of melancholy for the wilderness I'd left behind in Northern California, a wilderness of open spaces, raging rivers, bubbling creeks, and wild flowers. This hunger for the natural lead to the rise of a desire to connect to the place that I am in now, a place where I least expected to feel the embrace of mother nature, in the suburbs of Orange County, California.
When I take time time to take notice, I see that the neighborhood streets are lined with trees, plants, and flowers living in harmony with one another, planted with care, patience, and an inherent desire for the natural. The streets are alive with the breath of life, their inhabitants singing joyous tunes heard over the faint hum of cars buzzing and humming in the distance. Musical melodies announcing the birth of blooms and new life, awaken my senses to the scents of Spring. I dizzy in the intoxicating perfumes of jasmine, honeysuckle, and rose buds. The sounds of paradise reverberate through the song of the wild parrots, as I step out into the tamed wilderness and meander through the streets in awe and reverence. With awareness, we can open ourselves to a connection with nature even in the most populated of places, and in fact we will find that it nourishes our souls and reminds us of our connection to the greater natural world. All we have to do is take the time to take notice and appreciate the life even amidst the concrete jungles we may find ourselves in.